Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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