I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
