the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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