My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
