took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
