I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
