And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
