We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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