Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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