Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
