Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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