This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
