I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
