i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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