Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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