And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
