If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
