cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
