Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Im part way to drunk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
