This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
