Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
