Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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