Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
