I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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