You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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