I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
