is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
