What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
