I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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