"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im holly from the hills drunk
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
