my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
