My girlfriend figured out who you are.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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