i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
