She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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