woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
