Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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