I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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