when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
