Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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