You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
