You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
