look no pants
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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