the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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