Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
