I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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