Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
