i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
