Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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