apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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