I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
