got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
