i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
